A year ago when I was at home, struggling to find a job and
suffering from depression I used to think life would change drastically once I
get a job. I used to think getting back to Nagpur would lessen my worries as
all my friends are situated there. My horrible experiences at Pune fuelled my
beliefs further.
Sadly, today I realized that neither getting a job made me
independent nor my life changed drastically. It’s all the same albeit with more
loneliness. Every morning I wake up with a disturbance in my mind that I will
have to face those morons at the office again, bear their non-sense, stand all
day, run here and there to fetch reports. I’m not complaining that working is
BAD. Covering the production line and getting a chance to lay my hands on the processes
is awesome. I just want to say those higher level management authorities ruin
all the enthusiasm and make things more complicated and messy. Otherwise work
too would have been fun.
On top of it no matter how important things I have to tend
to, I always have to wait till Sunday.
And once Sunday comes it passes of within
a blink of an eye- washing mountains of clothes, cleaning the apartment, ironing, shaving, buying daily needs and stuff and snoring. Earlier Sundays meant going out with friends, savouring on
food like no tomorrow, discuss all non-sense but even that has changed now.
These days friends chatter all the time on whats-app but when I ask them if
they have got any plans for evening, or to hang out or for movie, all of them
disappear at once. No one replies and if they happen to reply, which is very
rare, its totally irrelevant and downright frustrating. Its simply not like the old times, no one's got time even when they have. Whats App groups are good for people who stay far away but not for those who are in the same city and can ride to each other's place. It adds to arrogance and has made it very easy to make excuses.
Then there are people who keep saying that I have forgotten
them and whenever I try to call them either they are out of coverage area, or
won’t receive the call, or be busy. These people are so damn busy that they don’t
even get time to reply a small text of mine.
I have realized the true meaning of being independent. You
have to be all alone. No matter how well you are paid, it’s sufficient and yet
insufficient. There’s no one you can talk to in person, screens are the only
way of getting entertainment and know each other’s whereabouts even if you stay
just two blocks away.
I am sorry for sounding so gloomy and depressed. But all of
this makes me very frustrated. I just want to go back to old times when friends
would be there in person and not in profile pics. I don’t want to be alone and
stuck in this meaningless job life forever.
I want to grow, and I will come out of this . . .
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