Sunday, 6 July 2014

Apne pairo pe khada hona . . .



A year ago when I was at home, struggling to find a job and suffering from depression I used to think life would change drastically once I get a job. I used to think getting back to Nagpur would lessen my worries as all my friends are situated there. My horrible experiences at Pune fuelled my beliefs further.

Sadly, today I realized that neither getting a job made me independent nor my life changed drastically. It’s all the same albeit with more loneliness. Every morning I wake up with a disturbance in my mind that I will have to face those morons at the office again, bear their non-sense, stand all day, run here and there to fetch reports. I’m not complaining that working is BAD. Covering the production line and getting a chance to lay my hands on the processes is awesome. I just want to say those higher level management authorities ruin all the enthusiasm and make things more complicated and messy. Otherwise work too would have been fun.
On top of it no matter how important things I have to tend to, I always have to wait till Sunday. 

And once Sunday comes it passes of within a blink of an eye- washing mountains of clothes, cleaning the apartment, ironing, shaving, buying daily needs and stuff and snoring. Earlier Sundays meant going out with friends, savouring on food like no tomorrow, discuss all non-sense but even that has changed now. These days friends chatter all the time on whats-app but when I ask them if they have got any plans for evening, or to hang out or for movie, all of them disappear at once. No one replies and if they happen to reply, which is very rare, its totally irrelevant and downright frustrating. Its simply not like the old times, no one's got time even when they have. Whats App groups are good for people who stay far away but not for those who are in the same city and can ride to each other's place. It adds to arrogance and has made it very easy to make excuses.

Then there are people who keep saying that I have forgotten them and whenever I try to call them either they are out of coverage area, or won’t receive the call, or be busy. These people are so damn busy that they don’t even get time to reply a small text of mine.
I have realized the true meaning of being independent. You have to be all alone. No matter how well you are paid, it’s sufficient and yet insufficient. There’s no one you can talk to in person, screens are the only way of getting entertainment and know each other’s whereabouts even if you stay just two blocks away.

I am sorry for sounding so gloomy and depressed. But all of this makes me very frustrated. I just want to go back to old times when friends would be there in person and not in profile pics. I don’t want to be alone and stuck in this meaningless job life forever. 

I want to grow, and I will come out of this . . .





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