"Pehle kyo nahi bataya yaar!"
[Why didn't you tell earlier?]
"Puch toh lena tha yaar, ek baar!"
[You could have at least asked me once!"
"Ladke himmat kyo nahi karte yaar!"
[Why can't guys just muster up their courage!]
"Mujhe bhool hi gaya tu hai na?"
[You must have forgotten me, isn't it?]
These were some of the hammerings that I got over the course of last few days from people who are very close to my heart! I read the conversations again and again and realized one thing that I have become an expert in screwing things up. May it be being late to confess, or to early to push things ahead, or assuming things and the worst of them all...realizing that some things are not worth pursuing.
This happens because small trivial matters which were never meant to bother me suddenly make me realize that they are actually pretty big to be ignored. [Just like you feel after watching a horrible movie like Mumbai-Dobaara on a weekend, you realize you could have pumped petrol worth 200 bucks in your bike]
I called my sis, Shraddha on Raksha-Bandhan telling her how badly I was missing her and how badly I wished she would have been with me on that day. And later when I told her that I was in Pune, she was shocked. And then the music began. The lovely sisterly scolding which I received was funny as well as thought provoking. So many possibilities were there - she could have dropped down to the city or may be I could have driven to her place or may be anything else. The day could have been memorable had I not assumed that she knew about my stay in Pune. As a result I had to spend the day of Raksha Bandhan without a Rakhi on my hands.
Likewise I foolishly goofed up on so many occasions ASSUMING that the person in front would know or understand or would act without my saying.Only to realize of late that it never happened.
I had been a little low since the last few days. I had knowingly stopped contacting a very special friend of mine assuming that I was giving her false hopes about our future. That went awry. A few days ago when I got in touch with her again she told me that she was hurt with that attitude of mine.As the conversation progressed the clouds of doubts were cleared. I am happy that things are normal again but the time that passed in [2 months] between was too long to keep someone waiting. It could have turned into something even sour and I might have had lost a very good friend.
Likewise there was a girl whom I liked very much and in fact still do [ nothing new right ;-) ] but I never confessed it to her, owing to some rumors and my own confused idiotic mindset which quickly pulls itself back at wrong times. A couple of days ago I again got in touch with her [I jumped with joy seeing her Whats App ping]. When she asked me about the blog post I wrote [Damn! I have a crush on her! Part-1] I was running out of words. There were a hell lot of things I didn't write about her. I ALWAYS wanted to tell her those untold things in person. [Besides 30 bucks per hour was a heavy price to pay everyday]. Had I not believed in those silly rumor mills and my multiple crush disorder, things would have been different. Much much different. I wish I could undo that. I still feel for her. [ Why do I suddenly see her beautiful eyes questioning me! ]
People say I run after girls, but the fact is, unless and until there's something common between us I never get attracted to anyone. In fact I don't even bother to look at them.
And then there had been instances wherein I realized TOO LATE that the person I was pursuing could never be mine. I had always failed to understand the fact that they had some other aspirations, or dreams or mindsets or may be some one with them already. But I kept ignoring the fact until it hit me back with vengeance. [Old texts and diary entries can badly spoil your mood sometimes] Like I mentioned earlier my mind fails to pull itself back when its necessary and when I need to proceed it simply stops me from doing so.
And this idiotic mind is what I call as the Cat which always spoils these utterly delicate things, delays them, hurries them or may be forces me to keep within ourselves and the delicate thing is named here as Curiosity. Everyone has this cunning cat in their lives which often kills the curiosity.
So what are you waiting for! Just go ahead and irrespective of what you hear or see or ASSUME, just confess it to the person you really care about, you like or love. Let them know what you feel. Holding them back won't help you. Don't goof up the way I did and sit repenting for those mistakes.
[Damn! I don't understand how the radio plays songs in the background according to my mood- Dil toh baccha hai ji ]
Cheers!
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