I was chatting with a friend of mine when she told me that if some person features in my dream or in simple terms if I see someone in my dreams then that person actually misses me. And it had been proven scientifically.
I replied back," Yaar, I still dream of her. I feel like a fool "
" She might miss you then ", she answered
" Nah!, I don't think she does....May be I do.... I'm one big fool! "
" Get a grip dude. It will pass..." she replied again.
" Are its gone already...Its just that sometimes for no reason things come up in my mind ", I replied
I re-read that conversation over and over again and thought over it. Was that really so? Was I really over it?
I sometimes act like a spiritual guru sometimes who advises his friends to stop bothering about things that went south in the past and failed to work out, either due to misunderstanding, rejection, over-expectations and in my case toxicity and some self-defined rules. Well it so turns out we all belong to the same situation.
He says to me, " Yaar usko promise kiya tha maine k hamesha wait karunga uske liye...Mai apne promise me fail nahi hona chahta re " :-(
[ Buddy, I gave her a promise that I would always wait for her...I don't want to break that promise]
I tell him, " Abe agar wo tere liye itta nahi sochti and har bar teko aisa bolti k wo busy hai... toh tu kyo apni g**nd ghis raha uske peeche? " o_O
[ Hey buddy! She doesn't give a f*ck about what you do..She never counts that you even exist...Why screw your life after her? ]
I keep telling him to just move on but he simply doesn't. The only thing that I get to hear from him is that she never did anything bad to him so he just can't put an end to the matter.
Another case. One of my engineering batch-mate says despite knowing that the girl being in a relationship he feels for her. I feel sorry for him. I believe and I know that he will definitely get someone way better than her and keep telling him the same. To that he innocently says ,
" Wo pata hai re paaji! But kaise na....Abhi bhi saala mann maanta hi nahi yaar! " :-(
[ I totally agree with you brother! But my mind is still not ready to accept that fact! ]
" Koi nahi paaji! Apne bhi din ayenge! ", I try to cheer him up and I often say this when I can't find the right words. O:-)
[ Don't worry brother. We will have our own times ]
But all this was in vain when I realized that I am no different than them. I am stuck in the same loop as theirs and don't know how to find my way out. :-P
I showed my friend a photo of hers, smiled and said," This is the girl about whom I wrote " I told my friend that she was out of my league. But he instilled a belief in me that if I would take a step she would definitely come to me and her trust over me was the main reason for that. I debated with my conscience for the same and I decided to give it a try. B-)
I planned to tell her everything or what do they call it - propose her. Do so many things. Deep down I always had the fear that she would never agree and never bend her rules for anyone, even me! Still I was not able to let go. And today evening while talking to her I learnt that thing again in a hard way that you have to put an end to things which keep screwing up your mind. Stop repeating the same mistakes. I didn't know what to do or say so I went offline to calm myself. I feel bad for that though and I'm going to get scolded! ;-)
It might sound harsh but sometimes people never think about how you feel about them and there's always an irrational RATIONAL reason behind that...
" I still can't forget about him, my ex...It was a long relationship you know "
" You remind me of him....So I just can't come to you. i'm afraid you will hurt me! "
" I can't love you. But promise me we will always be best friends "
" I have never thought about anyone so seriously "
I guess I will have to practice what I preach. I was planning to propose/confess/ask/discuss with her but now I WON'T. I will NEVER bring up any such topic with her in future that will tickle my mind to think in this WRONG direction again....I have to be my own hero and I will ask my friends to do the same...Just forget it....ANYHOW!
Cheers!
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